I don't think a minute goes by when I don't think I should be doing something else. There has to be something I'm missing. Something I'm forgetting to do. I lay awake at night staring at the ceiling counting all the things I did to promote/share/invite/entice people to sign up for the race. Sponsors I've talked to, media outlets I've searched out, posters I've placed. I then fret about what I'm going to do if I don't get the racers I need. I ask myself over and over what am I missing? What more do I need to do? Why are we sitting stagnant? Then I say O.K. God. I've worried about this long enough, it's your turn now. Then I go to sleep. Sadly it's already morning by the time this happens and the cycle repeats itself the next day. That's me interfering in God's plan. That's me saying O.K. I trust you God, I trust that this is going to go off without a hitch because I'm giving it to you and that's all I need to do, really. Just give it all up to you. Then turning around and not really trusting in God at all because I can't stop thinking what else I need to do. I can't stop the feeling of drowning from creeping up inside my lungs, the feeling of a 20 pound weight laying on my chest. The feeling like I'm falling from an enourmous height and waiting to hit bottom. The feeling of being overwhelmed.
When my passion for running, my love of God and my vision for Haiti turned me to Race Director, I had no idea where it was going to lead. It's all I think about. I breathe, eat and sleep this race. It has become an obsession. If I can just let go and trust in God and resist the urge to interfere then I truely believe it will be the best gift I can give to Hillside, Haiti, the Community and to God. If I can just resist the urge in interfere.